Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
