This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
