i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
