Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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