Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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