Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize