So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
