Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
