I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
