On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
