Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
