Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
