I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
