maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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