I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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