So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
