first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
