My entire life is one complicated drinking game
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
