he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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