i wish there were pregnant emoticons
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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