What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Can Purell be used as lube?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
She's the barista slut.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
