i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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