question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
They have beer where we have blood.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
