Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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