he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Randomize
