Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
