The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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