i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
