her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Randomize
