i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
