Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
