were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
its not stalking. its research.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
as a side note pls kill me
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
