Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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