what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
