you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
