Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
What a dumb baby whore.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
