also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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