I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
