Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize