Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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