Sponge bath it is.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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