how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
