Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
