Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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