Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
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