also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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