Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Boobs speak an international language.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize