someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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