google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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