Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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