Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
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