I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
