I swear she didn't look like that last week.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
