seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
