Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I still have a little drunk in my system
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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