I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
