Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
