Moan for me like Helen Keller
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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