it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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