sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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