Pregnant stripper...not hot.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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