I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
