Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
