Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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