Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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